


Shots Around the World

by SonjaJade



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Drinking Games, Gen, Hangover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 08:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10433682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonjaJade/pseuds/SonjaJade
Summary: It’s everyone’s favorite game, Shots Around the World, with your host Jumpin' Jean Havoc!





	

The six of them crowded around their usual table at East City’s biggest tavern, the Diamond Den, and Roy started them a tab as everyone got comfortable.  
  
“What game are we playing tonight?” Braeda asked as he hung his jacket on the back of his chair.  “We haven’t played King’s Cup in a while.”  
  
“That’s too complicated,” Riza replied.  “Let’s do something simple like Three Man," she said as Hayate turned a few circles and laid down by her feet.  
  
Roy arrived with a bottle of rum and a handful of shot glasses.  “No, because I always have to be Three Man and those dice are loaded.  We’re playing Shots Around the World.”  
  
Jean lit a cigarette and laughed.  “Oh shit, we’re likely to all end up in the floor with this one!”  
  
Fuery looked at the bottle nervously.  “How do you play?”  
  
“It’s a little like truth or dare, except the host, usually the one who can hold his liquor the best, asks the question, ‘Did you ever…’ and if you have, you drink.  And don’t lie.  We won’t ask you to clarify anything if it’s a weird question.”  Havoc twisted the cap off the bottle and set up the shot glasses.  “Since I can drink you all under the table, I’ll be the host.”  
  
Roy arched his brow at him.  “You sure about that, soldier?”  
  
“Yes, sir.  Besides, I ask the best questions, don’t worry.”  He passed out the shots and hummed an upbeat little tune.  “Welcome to Shots Around the World!  The drinking game where the questions are made up but the answers are real!” He held his cigarette pack like a microphone and got up from his seat.  “I’m your host, Jumpin’ Jean Havoc, with five contestants guaranteed to get your hearts racing in anticipation of their answers! First, we have Kain Fuery, aged fourteen and three quarters!”  
  
“Shut up, Havoc!” the spectacled sergeant retorted as Jean jammed the pack of cigarettes into his face, a half grin on his lips.  
  
“Spoken like a true teenager, good luck!  Next we have Vato Falman, the man with so much silver in his hair that his head is worth ten thousand cenz and the rest of him is only worth pocket change!”  
  
Falman smiled and waved at the pack.  “Hi, Mom!”  
  
“A face only a mother could love, for sure!  Now,” he purred, “let me introduce you to the beautiful, the incomparable, the stunning and perfect Riza Hawkeye.  My lady, if you’ve got the curves, I’ve got the angles…”  
  
“I’m here to win, not beat the dogs off my leg,” she said coolly.  
  
“You can beat this dog off any day, honey!” Jean declared before hopping out of range of her swatting hand.  “Someone take that woman’s pistol away from her before she kills us all!  Next we have Heymans Braeda, the widest man in the Amestrian army!”  
  
Braeda took the cigarette pack and spoke into it. “Damn glad to be here tonight, Jumpin’ Jean!  What are we playing for again?  Bragging rights?  A free meal?  A night at the Christmas Inn on Mustang?”  
  
“Slow down, bud!  We’ll get to prizes in just a moment!  Let me introduce our last player- the fabled and legendary Flame Alchemist, Roy Mustang the Fifth, king and divine ruler over office 322, only son of the Mad Madame, and heavyweight champion womanizer!  Any words for your fans?”  
  
“No autographs, please,” Roy answered.  “Send all the women to my bedroom, however.”  
  
“Alright, for the folks listening at home, let’s give a rundown of the rules.  I’ll ask a question- now it can be a question about _anything_.  You answer yes by drinking.  After ten questions, we’ll do a simple sobriety test to determine how blitzed the contestants are.  First person declared unable to play loses and has to pay the tab.  Last person standing has to make sure we all get home safely and have the waitress write a note verifying your win.  To make sure you didn’t forge the note, we’ll just get her to come over right now and write out half of it…”  
  
He flagged the stout old woman down, had her scribble out ‘The winner is’ on a napkin.  She grinned and wished them luck and went back to her duties.  
  
“Is everyone ready to play?”  The participants nodded and Havoc slid a shot glass in front of everyone.  “Alright!  Tonight’s first question is: Did you ever…”  He watched as they waited to see what he would ask.  “Did you ever hook yourself while fishing?”  He drank his shot and watched as Kain, Riza and Roy drank in response.  
  
“Tell us about it, Roy!” he asked as he stuck the now crumpled pack of Buffalo Full Flavor cigarettes in Roy’s face.  
  
“First time I did it I was six years old.  My aunt had told me to wait until she could find someone to go with me, but I was too excited about that pond to listen.  My first cast was fine, but I got caught on a tree stump when reeling in, and I jerked it out and caught myself in the arm.  Wailed like a baby the whole way home, carrying my pole in one hand and holding the hook still with the other.”  
  
“Shit hurts, don’t it?” Jean grunted as he flipped his ashes.  “Moving on to the next question!  Did you ever… fart so hard you shit your pants?”  
  
This time, Braeda, Falman, and Jean drank, leaving the other half to make disgusted faces.  
  
“Let’s not elaborate on that one,” Riza remarked.  
  
“Agreed, moving on!  Did you ever wake up somewhere and couldn’t remember how you got there?”  
  
Everyone drank at that one, and Fuery groaned, “Slow down, I’m gonna throw up!”  
  
“And the Pussy Award goes to Kain Fuery!  Let’s give the boy a hand!”  The others clapped for their comrade as Jumpin’ Jean thought of another question.

* * *

The next morning, Jean woke up somewhere he had no recollection of, fully clothed apart from his boots, and feeling like utter shit.  He glanced around the bare room and tried to figure out where he was.  He slowly rolled over and came face to face with Riza, lying on her back, her hair covering the pillow like molten gold, mouth open and snoring like a bear.  
  
Unfortunately (or maybe _fortunately_?) she was also mostly dressed, her wool jacket in the floor on top of her boots.  On the nightstand was the winner’s napkin, with her name written on it.  
  
He sat up, his head pounding, and tried to get out of the bed without disturbing her.  He was between Riza and the wall, so he had to artfully step over her to get out of the bed…  
  
“What are you doing?”  
  
He looked down at her in a panic, as he was now straddling her, one foot on the floor and the other still in the bed.  
  
“I swear to God it’s not what you think-”  
  
She rose up and kissed him, their lips meeting hard enough to hurt.  She pulled him down and made a place to cradle him with her legs and he let himself follow her lead.  She pulled at his undershirt until it came off, and he slipped his hand under hers until he felt satin and lace and a warm breast filling his palm.  Riza’s hips rolled against him and he reached down between them and undid her pants…  
  
And all at once she was snoring again.  
  
“Damn it,” he hissed, quickly righting her buttons and getting out of the bed.  He grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head.  “Every time.”  He pulled his boots on and went to find her bathroom and found an even bigger surprise when he exited her warm bedroom.  
  
From where he stood, he could see her living room, and there were three heads visible from the back of her worn and tattered sofa- black, silver and red hair.  After relieving his bladder, he went to investigate.  
  
He found Roy, Braeda and Falman sleeping against each other, Hayate in Roy's arms and both of them snoring, and Fuery sprawled out on the kitchen table and about to fall out of his chair.  
  
There was half a bottle of rum by Kain’s head, along with a note from the waitress saying the bartender drove them all home in his pickup truck, that the bill had been paid and the keys to the car they arrived in were waiting at the bar.  Jean straighted Kain enough to keep him off the floor, then poured himself about a shot’s worth of the rum into a glass.  Hesaid to himself, “Did you ever think you had the best family in the world?” and he knocked the shot back with ease.


End file.
